You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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