so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
