I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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