You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize