i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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