So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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