you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
