How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
