Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
