we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
