i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
