Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
