Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
