I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
