I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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