i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
