I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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