So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
