I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
