I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
