I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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