So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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