then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
