Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
