You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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