someone get that fucking seahorse.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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