We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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