dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
