Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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