she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
