Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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