dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
