Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
