I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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