it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
