How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
