so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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