i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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