i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just high enough for therapy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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