I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
