can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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