Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
