Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
