Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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