All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize