I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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