If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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