I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize