he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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