so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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