wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
