Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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