this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
