ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
