I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
