When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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