I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize