I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We got so high we made milksteak
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
