Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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