My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
