a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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