please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
