I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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