grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
