So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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