sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
