dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Congratulations! We have a period
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
