Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
