i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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