Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
