Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
