I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
