Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
